The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
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