Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
