totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
That's how pantless uber rides happen
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Randomize
