u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Your cock deserves a montage
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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