I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
