Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I can't trust your balls anymore.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Randomize
