If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
