the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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