im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Randomize
