note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
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