My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Randomize
