So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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