Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
