my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Randomize
