Heybabeimwearingurpanties
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
