I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
