i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
