i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
