420 ftw
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
