Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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