I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
