The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Terrible idea I love it
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
