I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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