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goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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