I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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