Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
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