I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Randomize
