so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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