never play flip cup with pint glasses
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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