I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
