I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
