We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
