i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
