Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
