Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
