i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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