are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
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