I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
