I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
