well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
