whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
