If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
