giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
