Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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