There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
