Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
