am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Randomize
