wat bout pragnant strippers??
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
