We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
You can't just leave with hair like that
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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