what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Randomize
