I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
