dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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