WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
