fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
